Encouragement for Parents

Text: Ephesians 1:1-2; 3:14-15; 4:15-16; 5:20; 6:1-4

Main Point:  Parents need instruction and help. God provides!

We need the grace and peace of God because parenting is good, glorious, and costly work. I have four daughters and our oldest graduates from high school in a few weeks. Right now, they are 17, 16, 15, and 11 years old. There is a lot of parenting, talking, praying, and sinning going on in my house. I want there to be more laughing, helping, encouraging, and repenting. So, I must lead the way and I want to lead my family in such a way that we love Jesus and love one another more. Parenting is a lot.   

Ruth, our youngest, broke her arm over spring break which led her to ask questions about who else has broken a bone. When my wife, Angela, was growing up her older sister cut her leg and had to go to the emergency room for stitches. While she was there in the E.R. Angela lost a who can jump the farthest and grab the monkey bars competition and broke her wrist. The staff sewed up one daughter then x-rayed the next daughter. I guess the best we can say is her parents saved a little gas money that day because some church members brought Angela to them. Her parents didn’t have to leave the hospital.

Maybe you can relate to Angela’s parents, you feel like you are moving constantly from one thing to the next thing with little time to think and even less time to rest. Maybe things are going well for you, and you are moving from one win to the next, but you are feeling the pressure. Maybe things are not going well for you, and you are moving from one gut punch to the next and you are about to break under the strain. Wherever you are today as parents or grandparents I want to give you some encouragement. The good news is that God provides the instruction and help we need.

I’m going to connect four passages in Ephesians today. Follow along with me as I read Ephesians 1:1-2; 3:14-19; 4:15-16; and 6:1-4.

I. Encouragement for parents

As we begin, I want to acknowledge Paul Tripp and his influence on my understanding of parenting.

• God is the architect of families (Eph 3:14-15)

The apostle Paul introduces his prayer for the church with a reference to, look at Ephesians 3:14 and 15, “the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named.” Come back in two weeks and Lord willing I will unpack this powerful prayer for us in our suffering. For today, I want to simply point out how all fatherhood takes its cues from God the Father; God defines father and family. God should define father and family but unfortunately our view of God defines father and family. To sharpen that point, the way you parent is directly connected to the way you understand God is parenting you. If God feels distant, disconnected, and uncaring then you will likely be distant, disconnect, and uncaring in your family. If God is legalistic, caring more about what you do than who you are, then you will be a parent who cares more about what your children do than who they are. If God is holy, loving, present, and parenting you then you will be holy, loving, present, and parenting your children.

God the Father is the reason for fathers and families; therefore, fathers and families take their cues from God the Father. The encouragement here is we have the pattern to follow in God the Father and in the family of God. Fathers and families must look to God to determine how they are to function. An additional encouragement coming from Ephesians 1:1-2 is fathers and families have God-given fuel in order to live out God’s good design; there is grace and peace for us in the work! Men, there is freedom and fuel for us as we seek to love, lead, serve, nourish, cherish, provide for, and protect.

Building on pastor Robert Lewis’s work, here is a good definition of manhood which we must apply to fatherhood. Men reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, love sacrificially, and seek the greater reward. Because we seek the “well done” coming from Jesus on Judgment Day we submit ourselves to what God tells us in his Word about fathers and families. We want fathers to be fathers and families to be families. We want women to be women, mothers to be mothers, sisters to be sisters, and daughters to be daughters. Too often, men live passively forcing women to do the work of both the man and the woman, the husband and the wife, the mother and the father. Passive parents sinfully expect the church to do the work of the home. Then the pendulum swings too far and men become overly aggressive seeking to do the work of both the man and the woman, the husband and the wife, the mother and the father, the church and the home.

Again, we must take our cues from God. Looking to God we see the goodness of the Trinity where the Father, Son, and Spirit are always in unity as each faithfully fulfills his own role. The Father, Son, and Spirit are not interchangeable, and neither are male and female, husband and wife, father and mother, church and home. The Father, Son, and Spirit are fully God, male and female are both the image of God, but just as the roles of Father, Son, and Spirit differ so do the roles of men and women. We must reject the idea that male and female, husband and wife, father and mother, church and home are interchangeable. God is the architect of families, so we must get our definitions and roles from him. God defines and God assigns.

• Parents, we have work to do (Eph 6:1-4)

Join us, keep coming, and I will preach Ephesians 6:1-4 in detail in the fall. For today, I want you to see that both fathers and mothers have the authority to command their children. What are children told to do in Ephesians 6:1? Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Parents, fathers and mothers, must teach, correct, encourage, and discipline their children according to what God defines as what is good. Ephesians 6:4 calls out fathers commanding fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Fathers are singled out, not because mothers should not bring up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, but because fathers tend to be either absent or passive, not fulfilling the daily intimate work of discipleship in the home, or because fathers tend to be overly aggressive with unrealistic expectations, giving commands without help, or using sinful discipline that provokes children to anger.

Fathers and mothers, parenting is difficult because we understand our roles as so much more than provider and protector. We are also teachers, evangelists, and disciplers. We are families that love God and love one another deeply. In the church and in the home, there should be love, authority, teaching, correction, and discipline. Civil discipline, church discipline, and home discipline take different forms but according to God’s wisdom there should be discipline in each sphere of life. So, when fathers are warned not to provoke their children to anger this does not mean do not correct or do not discipline because telling your child “no” will anger him/her. Parents avoid provoking their children to anger when they bring up those children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Again, the way we feel God is parenting us we will parent our children. Are you abiding in the grace and peace of God so that you are known as a fountain of grace and peace in your home? Do you know who God is? He is the God of grace and peace. That means

• There is grace and peace for us (Eph 1:1-2)

When we read our Bibles we often suffer from amnesia, forgetting what we read the day before, and this causes a lot of trouble, pain, and weakness. When you read Ephesians 3:14-15 and Ephesians 6:1-4 do not forget Ephesians 1:1-2. Look there with me and remember, “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints who are in Ephesus and are faithful in Christ Jesus. Grace and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Parents, we have a heavenly Father and a strong brother who are full of grace and peace for us because we are weak and often foolish and sinful. Look back on your parenting failures and look back on the cross; Jesus has purchased grace and peace for you. Look at the resurrection of Jesus and believe there is hope for you and your marriage and your family. Our God raises the dead, forgives sin, strengthens the weak, and loves the unlovable. Do you know that God? Are you making him known? Are you at peace because you are daily drawing on the grace of your Father?

Parents working to bring up children, we must depend on the grace and peace of God. The Father, Son, and Spirit are providing the strength you need to keep parenting and the peace you need to keep parenting. Parenting, like singleness, has its own unique temptations regarding weakness and worry. Listen, it is good for me to be a man, a husband, a father, a pastor, a friend, and a neighbor but I am insufficient for the calling. And when I think I am sufficient is when I do the most damage. I need God’s help, God’s grace, and God’s strength. I must start my day with word and prayer because I am weak; I need the promises and reminders that God will provide for me. I do not have what it takes and that worries me. In 45 years of maleness, 22 years of marriage, and 17 years of parenting I have sinned enough to know I cannot be trusted to do this on my own. I see how badly I mess up bringing them up and I see how badly they mess up growing up so I get a little worried when I look at us. If it depends on us, we ain’t gonna make it! With the grace and peace of God pulsing through our lives, we know we can make it.

Men, husbands, fathers, sons, brothers. Women, wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, God has grace that will empower you and peace that will rule your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Let’s get some help on that front. How do we live lives of grace and peace?

II. Helps for parents

• The church

I want to plead with you to join in with our people, ask for help from our pastors, and utilize our programs. When I say “join in with our people” I do not mean show up on Sundays and Wednesdays, I mean Ephesians 4:15 and 16. Turn to Ephesians 4:15-16, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Growing up in every way surely includes growing up as fathers and mothers.

There are a lot of words in Ephesians 4:15 and 16 so pay attention. Start at the end of 16. How is the church supposed to build itself up? In what? We are to build us up in love. That’s our first commitment to one another; in spite of our disagreements and disappointments, we will keep loving one another because that’s how God loves us. Old men are to love younger men. Older women are to love younger women. We are to love one another like Jesus loves us. In fact, the way you love us is meant to make the invisible God visible (1 John 4:12). So, a growing body, a growing church is a loving church. But how do we put that love into play? When something happens, verse 16, it makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. What needs to happen? Each part of the body, each member, each of us, needs to be working properly.

Hold it there for a second. Are you working properly? Female, daughter, sister, aunt, wife, mother, grandmother, are you working properly? Male, son, brother, uncle, husband, father, grandfather, are you working properly? Do you even know what God has in mind when he talks about you working properly? Do you know who you are, how the Spirit has gifted you, what you are called to do, and how to live out of the grace and peace of God? If you are not working properly, who are you going to ask to help you? This is what discipleship is all about, teaching one another how to obey all that Jesus commanded, or how to work properly. Instead of cracking the whip and threatening the members to get the body to grow, we commit ourselves to loving deeply (which takes a lot of time together) and working properly (which takes a lot of time together) so that the body grows.

And notice how in Ephesians 4:15 and 16 it’s not just a man or a woman working properly, a husband and wife working properly, or a family working properly. The goal of our lives is for each member to work properly as a part of the body. We need every joint to be a connector that works properly. We need each one of us to be a connector that works properly. Love, connect, and work properly so that we all grow. Connect with people and speak the truth in love so that we grow up in every way into Christ our head. We need everyone of us to be doing that 7 days a week; you celebrate Jesus so we become like Jesus.

We need the people and pastors. Loving people are what make up the body that is connected and working properly. The pastors are members of the body, who according to Ephesians 4:11 are shepherds and teachers who equip the saints for the work of the ministry. We equip you to do the ministry. The elders equip you to do the work. And what is the ministry you do? What is the work according to Ephesians 4:12? Each of us is called and equipped to build up the body of Christ. You and your family are for the church.

You need the people to be doing the work to build you up and you need pastors to be teaching and leading in such a way that the people are better equipped to build you up. You need to be equipped by the pastors to do the work we need you to do to build us up. A question every member needs to be asking the elders is this, “How can you equip me to build up these people?” We need every one of you to be asking, “Pastor, how can you equip me to be a properly working part of the body?” We all need the body of Christ; we need you to keep showing up, keep connecting, keep inviting over, keep praying, keep loving, and keep working in such a way that helps us grow to be more like Jesus. A life devoted to the good of the church is a life of love. So where do we get started? How do we build these connections?

Each of us builds connections with the body by showing up and using our gifts to build up the other members. Now Sundays and Wednesdays are not the extent of the church any more than a date night is the extent of marriage. But the worship and work we do together strengthens relationships. Pastors and teachers are modeling how to read the bible and do good theology so you can go read your bible and do good theology on your own, in your home, evangelistically, and in discipling relationships. The work we do together in Sunday school, at AWANA and youth discipleship, through VBS, at the Teacher Appreciation outreach, through music practice, and on mission trips helps us get to know and trust one another so that deep discipleship is easier. We all need the 7 day a week church.

Now I am going to very quickly give you three final helps so that you are better equipped to be a healthy part of the church. The first resource is our

• Daily Bible reading plan

A healthy member of the body is a person who reads and prays every day. Knowing this, we provide a daily Bible reading plan printed in the bulletin each week. The best way to read the Bible is with someone else and start small, start with the New Testament reading. Read with your spouse and your children. Also, you can get a small group of men or women together and commit to reading the Bible every day and sharing what you are learning through text messages or weekly meetings (that’s the beginning of discipleship). Start reading your Bible every day and we have a plan for you to use; its right there on the back of the bulletin. Next use the

• Family Worship Guide

We want families to worship together. The family worship guide is an email resource Mark and David put out each week. Email David at office@mambrino.org if you want to get the weekly email and it comes out each Monday. The family worship guides uses the Scripture readings, songs, and prayers from Sunday worship and divides them up throughout the following week using a simple read, sing, pray model. Husbands and wives are using this resource together. Families are using this resource together. It’s simple and doable.

Alongside the family worship guide is the Sunday School parent take home pages. Tammy sends these pages out each Saturday so parents are equipped to have spiritual conversations with their children. Use the resources at hand!

And finally, there is

• The discipline of gratitude

This resource is often overlooked in the church and in the home. In Ephesians 5:19-20 the Spirit tells the church to give thanks always and for everything. Children, when is the last time you thanked God for your parents? Youth, when is the last time you thanked God for your parents? Parents, give thanks for your children, husbands, give thanks for your wife, wives, give thanks for your husband. Members, give thanks for your church. The discipline of always giving thanks for everything is the discipline to look for God in every situation. The discipline of gratitude trains us to find God even in the darkness. We need to always give thanks for everything so we’re going to do that now. Diana is coming to play a verse of our next song to give you time to give thanks to God. After that, we will stand and sing. When we stand to sing, I encourage you to go ask an elder for help. Go ask an elder to pray with you and for you. Go and tell an elder that you want to be equipped to build up the church. Go and ask an elder to help you as you lead your family. If you are a woman, go and ask an elder to connect you with an older woman in the church who can help you grow as a wife or as a mother. The resources of the church are available to you because Jesus is building his church. Let’s give thanks then get equipped then go and build up the church.